Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 7

I know that it has been quite awhile since this series began but here is the next installment of  my parenting series.

Do you give into the whining and complaining that your child does to get their way/wants?  Do you give in to the "my friend has it so I need it too" mentality that children seem to use with parents to get their wants? Does your child know that your "no" means "no"?  If so, this next thought can be a difficult one for parents.

GIVE your child everything he/she needs instead of everything he/she wants, even if you have to say no.

Before you can say "no"  to your child you need to distinguish between what are needs and what are wants for your child.  So we as parents need to know what your child's needs are so that we can help them understand that certain things in life are just wants.  Needs of your child would be things that we rely on every day to live comfortable lives.  So things like food, water, shelter would fall under the need category.   Wants of your child are things that are not essential to their life.  Is having a television, computer, or some other technology type device essential to their life?  NO!  Do they think it is essential to their life?  YES!

We need to be teaching our children what is realistic to living rather than teaching them what they think they are entitled to in order to live on a daily basis.

Take the time to do an exercise with your children.  Prepare for the exercise in advance by gathering pictures of things that could be needs or wants.  Then have them place each of the pictures in either the need or the want category.  Once they have completed putting the pictures in either category, take the time to discuss with them the reasoning behind why they placed the pictures in each category.  It should help your child to understand the "why" behind why we as parents provide the things that we do for our children on a daily basis.  It should also give them a bit of insight on why their wants might not be fulfilled in a timely fashion.

Household Responsibility System

Let me first say that out of all the things to do in life doing chores (or at my house we call them "responsibilities") is not one of the top things on my “to do list”! Personally, I would rather read a book or bake some cookies than clean! But after growing up in a home where my parents are "pack rats" and deciding that when I had my own house and family that I was not going to follow in their ways, I strive to have a decent, clean, and relatively(hard to have it totally with having kids!) clutter free home. Also I am married to a man, who I love dearly, and is a perfectionist, so everything has to have a place, even if that means that things are in piles.

Before we had children, dh and I had decided that we were not going to allow the kids to "play" or have toys in their bedrooms. We were going to have a place in the corner of the living room or basement that would be their playroom. The rule is that the bedrooms are for book reading and sleeping, basically they are kept as a "little quiet getaway" for everyone. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that we have done that! It makes the cleaning of bedrooms so much easier. AND it actually makes picking up the toys easier too!

So with those things in mind, let me tell you what I have come up with for a system for those daily responsibilities that works well for us.

I have broken down the responsibilities into 3 groups--morning, afternoon, after dinner. This way we are not taking all day and we have time for other things (like school work!)

The morning responsibilities are:

make beds

vacuum bedrooms and living room

clean up kitchen--this is a quick clean after breakfast making sure that the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher and the floor is swept.

clean the bathrooms(sweep floor, clean sink, mirror, and toilet) >

start a load of laundry

The afternoon responsibilities are:

pick up playroom

take care of clean clothes in laundry baskets--this only happens on laundry day.

set table for dinner

clean up kitchen--another quick clean and lunch dishes

change load of laundry from washer to dryer

The after dinner responsibilities are:

clean up kitchen-- I love waking up in the morning to a clean kitchen!

sweep

eating area/kitchen floor

quick pick up of the playroom(if needed)

take care of trash and recycle

take care of laundry load in dryer

The above list is what is done on a daily basis. I delegate the majority of the chores listed above to my children. I work along aside my younger ones to help train them to the job correctly. The kids are old enough now that I am more of a trainer/overseer of the responsibilities rather than doing everything myself. I take care of my bedroom, the laundry, and the mopping of the kitchen floor.

On Saturday mornings, you will find the whole family works together as a team and does a deep cleaning of the house. Which means that the toys in the playroom are moved around so vacuuming can be done, and toys are put together rather than little pieces of things under the couch or thrown in the cabinets. The kitchen gets a floor mopped and cabinet fronts wiped down. All the rooms get a good vacuuming. Saturdays is also when the ceiling fans, furniture, and knick-knacks get dusted.

As a part of this family, the children have a responsibility to help us work together as a family to have a clean, healthy, and orderly environment. My desire is that I don't want my kids once they have their own place not knowing how to keep a place clean and orderly. They are learning now that helping to do the mundane every day responsibilities is a way of life. On the home-school front, I classify it as "Home Ec class"!

I have found this system to work well for us. With doing our system on a daily basis, if we are going to have company on a certain day, it only takes us about a 1/2 hour on that day to go thru the house and do a quick pick-up and sweep to clean our "hot spots".

This post is linked at:

• Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family!
  

Summer Blues or the "Mom, I'm bored!"

Summer is coming! Which means our children will be on summer break and inevitably they will come to you saying that they are bored!

Here is a list of 13 free or low cost things that you can do with your children to help combate the summer boredom blues:

1. play board games together
   
   
2. go for nature walks--we have several area parks with nature trails.
   
   
3. bake goodies
   
   
4. visit grandparents(or if they are too far away, visit to a nursing home or senior assisted living center)--my parents live twenty minutes from us and they live in on an acre of land, which is great for exploring!
   
   
5. pretend we are at the movies---stick in a movie and do up some popcorn.
   
   
6. play hide n' seek
   
   
7. read books together--don't forget to find those different summer reading programs like at the public library or at your local bookstore like Barnes & Nobles.
   
   
8. brush up on the Math facts by quizzing each other. It always seems that my kids do a "data dump" when it comes to Math facts so we play the game who can get the most facts right in 2 minutes. :)
   
   
9. if we do any traveling, I like to make up a backpack full of goodies for them to do on the trip. I use some of the many ideas over at Mom's Minivan as well to fill the pack.
   
   
10. do a craft project together.
    
    
11. when stuck inside due to the weather, using our imagination to play games from tea parties to hide n' seek to I spy. An article of ideas to have fun indoors.
    
    
12. create an obstacle course or water park or a carnival in your backyard and together with your kids have a fun afternoon playing at the "park".
    
    
13. work in the garden.
    
    
    

These are just a few things that you can do to help keep the "Mom, I'm bored!" saying at bay. There is also a few more suggestions here!

I am always looking for more ideas! I would love to hear what are some things that you do with your kids to keep the boredom at bay??

This post is linked at:

• 3 Moms Thursday Thirteen at Happy to be at Home!
• Frugal Friday at Life as Mom!

Thursday Thirteen

Do you ever get tired of saying the same things over and over?  Some days I wished that I just tape recorded all my sayings so that I just had to push a button and save my voice.  Don't get me wrong I love my children dearly and I never tire of telling them everyday! I also love training them up in the Lord!  BUT still sometimes saying those same things over and over and over again gets a little nerve-wracking.

So here is a list of 13 sayings that are seemingly spoken from my lips everyday:

1. "What are you to be doing right now?"
   
   
2. "Stay focused!"
   
   
3. "Worry about yourself!"
   
   
4. "You are not the parent!"
   
   
5. "Clean your plate!"
   
   
6. "Get dressed!"
   
   
7. "No climbing up on the counter!" (tell tale sign of having a 2 yo in the house!)
   
   
8. "Finish your work!"
   
   
9. "Keep your hands to yourself!" (sometimes all that wrestling can drive a mother batty!)
   
   
10. "Pay attention to what you are doing!"
    
    
11. "Stop tapping your fingers!"
    
    
12. "Be quiet! You don't have to continously talk/jabber!"
    
    
13. "Go outside or find something to do!"

As you can imagine with having five children, this is just the tip of the iceberg for me! 

So do you have phrases that you would just like to record rather than have to say every day?

For more lists, head over to Happy to be at Home!

Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 6

This week in my parenting series we are going to talk about a subject that I am sure for some is difficult to do, esp. when it comes to our child. That subject is forgiveness. Like I said last week, each of these topics are getting to be a little more challenging.

FORGIVE your child’s wrong doings as the Lord forgives you and start over together with God's grace and love.

When I read that sentence several different thoughts started pouring into my mind. Thoughts like "do unto others as you would want them to do to you" and Ephesians 4:32--"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." and "forgive as God forgave you"(Colossians 3:13)

These verses just don't apply to us when we are dealing with other adults but they apply when we are dealing with our child too! With being a stay at home mom, I can go days without interacting with other adults(besides hubby). However, I interact with my children on a daily basis and I can tell you that they are not perfect and they do wrong and yes I have to discipline them. In an effort to be a good example, I make sure that I take the time to forgive them as well after I explain to them why I felt that they had done wrong.

I am sure that forgiveness doesn't come easy for some of us(I know it doesn't come easy for me). We want to be angry and hurt rather than forgiving. It is so freeing though when we do forgive, esp. when our children do something to hurt us. Something as simple as them breaking our rules that we have established can hurt us. Or having a teenager that rebels and goes totally the opposite way that we as parents have taught them can hurt us as well. In each of those instances, we are to take the "high road" and forgive them. We might not like what they have done but they are our children and we need to forgive them.

Elizabeth Elliot said it well in one of her Back to the Bible broadcasts, "Now in order to forgive others, you and I must know that we have been forgiven, that we have received grace, that we have had our sins canceled on the cross. How can we forgive someone else if we have not received the grace of God that forgives us? But the deeper our recognition of our own need of that grace--the worse our sins appear to us to be, the more we marvel at the amazing grace of God and the more humbly we accept the grace that He gives to us--the more ready we will be to offer to someone else the grace of forgiveness, someone who has abused or cheated or betrayed or lied about us. We must receive God's grace for ourselves first."

Once we realize that we have God's grace we can share it with our child!

Don't let that guilt you feel because you think you didn't raise your child right, hence the reasoning behind their waywardness, get in the way of you forgiving them.

Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 5

As I continue with the parenting series, I am finding that the further in the alphabet I go the more convicting the letter becomes and this week is no exception!

EXERCISE self control when you're angry, committing your feelings to the Lord rather than using them against your child.

Has your child ever done something that makes you mad? Not just really mad but so mad you can not believe they did that and more mad! You feel so much anger that you yell? Scream? Lose your temper? Anger is a natural emotion, and it is also a powerful and possibly dangerous if we don't use self control or "rule" over the anger.

I found this story by Sean E. Brotherson(click on the name to go to the complete article) that I thought had some great insight on parenting in anger...

Many years ago my father formulated a simple and symbolic definition of parenting in anger that has dramatically shaped my understanding of this concept. He calls it “puffer fish parenting.”

One night when I was growing up our family was sitting around the dinner table and having a discussion. My older brother, who at age twelve had read nearly every book in the house and could remember almost every detail, got into a discussion with my dad and the rest of us about the Indian chief Crazy Horse. My dad started telling us about the history of Crazy Horse and his experiences and how he died. Pretty soon my brother raised his hand and said, “Dad, that’s wrong!” Somehow dad took exception to being stopped and corrected in that manner, and he let my brother know somewhat angrily and pretty clearly that he was out of line. As he explained it to me once, he said, “I got upset and started to climb all over that poor boy’s heart and soul.” Then Mom got involved, and we all got involved, and well, my family isn’t known for its quiet demeanor. What had started as an angry response had soon become a total uproar.

Well, Dad stepped out back and tried to calm his mind and emotions, and there overhead saw the blazing stars of the distant Milky Way galaxy and then considered his own status at that moment. He realized then how absolutely insignificant he was in relationship to God above, and yet knew that God loved and cared for him. And then he knew that his anger had been wrong and he needed to make it right with his son. And he did.

As an ecologist, my father spends much time observing the natural world and has a unique capacity for drawing lessons of life from the things that he sees among plants, animals, and the patterns of nature. Later as he thought about this experience he happened to be visiting a marine science center and there saw a fish tank that contained a unique fish called a puffer fish. A puffer fish is a fairly small, almost square fish that looks innocent until it is threatened in its environment by any predator or anything that seems to be a threat or a surprise. Then it changes! The puffer fish has the capacity to immediately puff up and take on a lot of air so that it blows up to almost four or five times its original size. The idea seems to be that if you blow up quickly and act really big and threatening then you can scare away or intimidate or control what it is that has disturbed you or threatened you. It’s a bluffing mechanism. It’s meant to discourage or control others. It also happens to be a pretty common parenting technique. And my father has taught me that when you parent by intimidation or with anger that you are practicing what he now calls “puffer fish parenting.”

How many of us have practiced puffer fish parenting? Let’s think of a few examples:

“I cannot believe you did that! I’m sick of it! If you ever do that again I will beat you within an inch of your life!”

“You did what?! You’ll never drive again! I’ll never let you behind the wheel of that car again, you irresponsible twit!”

“If you touch that again, you’re going to get it! I mean it, I will break every bone in your body!”

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. A thousand times!”

“Get to your room! You are going to be grounded for a year, young lady!”

“Just wait until your father gets home! You’re going to wish you’d never been born!”

OUCH! Does this really hit home for me! I find myself doing this more often and I realize that I need to work at changing my ways(hopefully it isn't too late!)with my children. I need to step back, calm down, pray, rule over my anger and not be so self-centered. I need to take a more pro-active response rather than a reactive!

What kind of Godly example to our children are we being with our angry outbursts? Are we controlling our anger or are we letting anger rule us?

And now for some advice that I need to take to heart myself...for those times when anger wants to rule over you...Take the time to step away, calm down, and pray before lovingly talking and explaining to your child why you are so angry and why you have to discipline them(if need be.)

Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 4

Did you do any building or affirming or communicating positively this past week with your child? I can answer yes! I did work at doing these things with my children this past week! I really worked at reaching out to my one child that at times just seems unloveable. I worked at controlling my tone and watching what I am saying to my children. This week, we are to the fourth letter of the alphabet!

DEDICATE yourself to the body of Christ through commitment to a congregation, regular worship, bible study, and prayer.

I see this concept as being vitally important to us as parents. We can not deny ourselves this kind of support! Not only the support of other believers but also the support of Christ.

We need to be showing our children that our faith in Christ is important. They need to see actions over words regarding our commitment to Christ. We need to show them what being faithful is all about in our lives. Yes, we can be faithful in the other aspects of our lives but we really need to show them that being faithful to Christ. This way we are not coming across as being fake and they will be able to tell and know for a fact that you love Christ.

Committing ourselves to regular interaction with other believers is showing our children that we truly understand and respect the reasoning for Christ coming to earth, His death and resurrection. Also showing them that we are not too busy to keep alive in our hearts God's love for us. We need the encouragement of others while we wait for His return!

Hebrews 10:23-26 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Let's commit to going to church on a regular basis! Let's commit to being active in our church! Let's commit to keeping our children going & being active in church!

Here is a few interesting articles about children/teens/students being active in church...

Church Attendence Boosts Students GPAs

Best way to get teens to church is to go with them

Parents can help teens stay in church

Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 3

Did you do any building or affirming this week with your child? In my parenting series, I am taking the time to work thru the alphabet--sharing the letter and some thoughts on parenting. This week we take the time to think about "C" and Communication!

COMMUNICATE with your child in a way that glorifies Christ, always asking "would I say this to a friend?"

Pretend with me that "the friend" is Jesus! Would you be more of a Martha or Mary? Would you find that it was more important to sit and listen OR to stand and work in a different room?

Would you say things like "dumb"; "stupid"; "lazy" or "you just won't amount to anything!" to Jesus? Those kinds of words to your child can be hurtful to their self-esteem and can stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Would you tell them that you don't have time to listen carefully and politely to what they are saying?

Children thrive on positive attention. They want to feel loved and appreciated and as a parent you are the best person for giving them that loving attention and appreciation!

Take the time to listen to your child.

Take the time to give your child the attention they crave on a daily basis.

If you get angry over something your child has done take the time to walk away from the situation to calm down. Then approach your child calmly and talk to them about the situation. It does nothing for you and your child's relationship if you are constantly yelling every bit of communication to them. (This is something that I struggle with daily!)

Communicate in love rather than anger by saying words like "Please", "Thank you", "I love you!" "You did great!", "You are beautiful", You are handsome!" "I'm pleased with you doing _____!" can go a long way with your relationship with your child. Showing your love thru hugs, time, and one-on-one attention also helps build your communication relationship with your child.
Take time this week to communicate with your child. Let them know they are appreciated, loved, and worthy of your time.

"Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way." (Colossians 3:17 The Message)

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." (1Peter 4:11-NIV)

One final note:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved. (Anonymous)

Parenting Series--ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 2

Last week, I started a parenting series using the alphabet based on Robert & Debra Bruce's book, ABCs of Christian Parenting. I talked about "A"--Affirming our Children as a gift from God. Despite the frustrations that you faced this week, did you take time each day to let your children know they are a blessing to you? If not, try again this week along with working at the next letter which is "B".

BUILD upon your child’s talents, seeking to discover God's plan for them.

Ever wonder what your child will be when he/she grows up? Ever wonder if that child who does nothing but talk all the time will become a world famous preacher like D.L. Moody? Ever wonder if that child who loves to play sports will become a professional in their favorite sport? Ever wonder if that child who draws on everything, including the wall will become the next Picasso?

There are ways to work with your child's talents, interests and learning style to help them develop into the person that God has created them to be and to find their niche in this world.

Reading an article called "Learning Lifestyle" over at HomeHearts, they give some ways to help build upon your child's talents, seeking God's plan for their lifes.

Trust! “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” - Ephesians 2:10

Teach your children “how” to learn so that they will be prepared for any path they choose.

Let them pursue life with you. Let them follow mom and dad in your interests.

Give them time to explore their interests. Some fascinations will come and go, but by the time they are ready to choose a direction, hopefully they will have some idea of the path they wish to take.

Keep your eyes open! When you see your child expressing an interest in something - feed it! Not push it, of course, but provide books, kits, and
materials that will encourage your child. If the interest wanes, no problem. Another is sure to surface.

Don’t fill up on scheduled activities(sports,music, 4H and the like). While some of these activities have their place, unless it is your child’s current “passion,” give your children the freedom to find their own interests.

For older students, just ask! They may surprise you with interests you didn’t know they had!

Parents are essential components in God's handiwork for their children! Terri Camp says it well in her article "The Oxygen"(follow the link to read the whole article)...

Every fire must have oxygen in order to continue to burn. Even the very smallest spark, must have oxygen. You, the parent, need to view yourself as the
oxygen for the fire. You are an essential component in the Fire Philosophy.
Sure, you could release your child to burn on his own, but without the oxygen
there - praying, encouraging, lifting up, and offering some helpful suggestions
- the fire would go out quickly.

Are you being the "oxygen" or are you being the "water" to your child? Are you watching with diligence for that spark of interest in something so that you can fan that spark into a raging fire?

Take time this week to find out what your child's interests are so that you can be their oxygen to help them reach their full potential according to God's plan!

Parenting Series---ABCs Christian Parenting--Part 1

In an effort to give you a glimpse into the parenting side of my life, I thought I would start a series based on the ABCs of Christian Parenting by Robert & Debra Bruce. It has been a long time since I have read the book but I have my notes. So for the next several weeks I am going to share each of the letters with their statement along with some thoughts.

AFFIRM your child everyday as a gift from God, no matter what yesterday's problems were.

We have all been there...remembering all those problems the day before that are just too hard to forget...

• that hard to love child who seemingly always creates trouble
• that child who told you one thing and did another
• that doctor's appointment that got missed
• the dinner that never got started or did and got burned
• so many things went wrong that you don't remember them all

However, during those overwhelming times have we taken the time to remember our blessings or gifts that God has given us? Have we taken the time to be positive to ourselves or to our children?

Children Are A Gift From God
by Sandra Tolson

God sent me three packages
That needed special care
"Take care of these tiny gifts
For they are very rare."

"Watch over them with all your love
And let them feel your touch
Take care of their every need
For you are needed very much."

"These gifts will grow up very fast
As you soon will see
Love them with all your heart
And let them be what they will be."

"When these gifts have fully grown
Look at Heaven up above
Know they exist because of God
And all his precious love."

Take the time today to let your children know that you are blessed to have them and that you love them!